What an awesome weekend I had in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. My husband was the guest psalmist at a church convention for the first two nights, and we decided to stay for the last service. It was such a blessing! The guest speaker was Dr. Kervin Smith, a prophet from Minnesota. A real nice, God-fearing man who delivered powerful words and insights from the Bible every time he spoke. But the most awesome service was on Sunday night, the last of the convention. The presence of God was definitely there as he delivered the message and later began praying and delivering people. I have never been to a service like that, but I do know what I saw and felt was real. Usually when I've seen or heard prophets, they have given what seems to be a general prophesy that could apply to any person or any situation. It happened to me, and I must admit I had a bit of skepticism ever since. But Dr. Smith was right on, every single time. And not just on general stuff, but specific ailments in certain locations, or situations that was specific to only 1 to a few folks. He even prophesied to me about something very specific. (I've decided not to share it until it comes to pass.) But he spelled it out and it was something that I had not even shared with my husband yet.
God is real and I appreciate being in that service. Even though I was in pain and recovering from surgery, that trip was just the thing for my body and my mind. To those reading this blog, there's nothing like being in the presence of God.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Deja Vue
I am sitting at home, in a familiar place emotionally, spiritually and physically. I am recovering from surgery which removed numerous adhesions and scar tissue from my uterus, intestines and ovaries. And I am in pain. Why? Not only because of the obvious physical situation, but because it has been nine years since I underwent this same surgery and recovery time for the same problem. The problem has a name and a source - its called Endometriosis.
This is no ordinary pain. This is the kind of pain that most women are told is normal, because it happens around the menstrual cycle. So for years, my severe cramping, vomiting, diarrhea, etc. was just "dealt with" because I thought it should be. But after much research I sought another OB/Gyn and learned what endometriosis really was. My first surgery was in Sept. 1999. Out of work for six weeks and later told pregnancy chances were "slim to none." God blessed me to birth a son in 2004. Now in 2007-2008, symptoms start to appear quite similar to the ones prior to the first surgery. Over the past four years I've suffered two miscarriages and shed many tears and "why me" prayers about this situation. However, my faith in God has pulled me through. I'm really believing that once this recovery period is over that God will indeed bless my womb one more time. But as the songwriter says, if the Lord doesn't do anything else for me, he's already done enough!
This is no ordinary pain. This is the kind of pain that most women are told is normal, because it happens around the menstrual cycle. So for years, my severe cramping, vomiting, diarrhea, etc. was just "dealt with" because I thought it should be. But after much research I sought another OB/Gyn and learned what endometriosis really was. My first surgery was in Sept. 1999. Out of work for six weeks and later told pregnancy chances were "slim to none." God blessed me to birth a son in 2004. Now in 2007-2008, symptoms start to appear quite similar to the ones prior to the first surgery. Over the past four years I've suffered two miscarriages and shed many tears and "why me" prayers about this situation. However, my faith in God has pulled me through. I'm really believing that once this recovery period is over that God will indeed bless my womb one more time. But as the songwriter says, if the Lord doesn't do anything else for me, he's already done enough!
Thursday, February 7, 2008
New Year, New Mind
Millions of people started 2008 with a list of resolutions, some probably carried over from last year, that they hope to actually reach by the end of this year. But what good is a new resolution, if you keep the same old mindset?
If you want to lose weight but you didn't do it last year, is another calendar month going to make a difference? Not really; not unless you stop living by a "clock" and live in the here and now. Remember that tomorrow is not promised to any man. And if we continue to say "I'll start tomorrow," we may find that we've run out of time.
Forget New Year's resolutions; focus on new ways of thinking, giving, loving and living.
Be blessed until next time...
If you want to lose weight but you didn't do it last year, is another calendar month going to make a difference? Not really; not unless you stop living by a "clock" and live in the here and now. Remember that tomorrow is not promised to any man. And if we continue to say "I'll start tomorrow," we may find that we've run out of time.
Forget New Year's resolutions; focus on new ways of thinking, giving, loving and living.
Be blessed until next time...
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
The Plan is Unfolding
How often have you heard the phrase "God has a plan for your life." Some folks hear that phrase and then they sit back and wait for the 'plan' to come as if its a package from FED Ex. It's almost like we sit back and expect to unwrap the box and say "yep that's the plan, all laid out in front of me." However, the plan doesn't come so cut and dry most times. Could it be that the plan is unfolding even as you are reading this blog? Could it be that all of your trials and dilemmas and frustrations you are facing right now are a part of that very plan that God has for your life?
Think about this: God said in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you; thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Therefore our future is already laid out in God's mind. You are already walking in one of the many phases you will go through. The plan for your life is not only one specific thing, but a collection of events, experiences, tests and trials that will shape you to be the man/woman of God you are destined to be. The bible says 'many are the afflicitions of the righteous, but the Lord shall deliver you out of all of them.'
Yes, God does have a plan for your life. And the plan is unfolding right now. We must learn to go through each phase and stage and stop trying to make our own way, out of no way. "In whatever state you are in, be content."
Think about this: God said in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you; thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Therefore our future is already laid out in God's mind. You are already walking in one of the many phases you will go through. The plan for your life is not only one specific thing, but a collection of events, experiences, tests and trials that will shape you to be the man/woman of God you are destined to be. The bible says 'many are the afflicitions of the righteous, but the Lord shall deliver you out of all of them.'
Yes, God does have a plan for your life. And the plan is unfolding right now. We must learn to go through each phase and stage and stop trying to make our own way, out of no way. "In whatever state you are in, be content."
Friday, July 13, 2007
Unworthy on Purpose
(I know its been a while, but for those who still keep check on my blog, thanks. As you read this post, please pray for me. This is my most honest blog to date, but my hope is that my testimony will become an encouragement to someone else.)
While battling a bout of depression, I decided to try and pray… again. It was hard because I’ve been down this road so many times before; my mind clouded with negativity, but being a Christian I knew that prayer was what I should do. But when I get on my knees and try to pray, the negativity turns into condemnation and I feel too ashamed to come before the Lord and ‘waste’ his time. After another round of excuses and reasons why I should just give up, I went into the bathroom. There I stood with my back to the mirror because I was even ashamed to look at my own face. How can I call myself a Christian, much less a minister, when I can’t even pray my own way out of this depression? Right then and right there, something happened. A spiritual rebuke! But it was done with such love and kindness that I could not help but to receive it.
Here’s what the Spirit said:
You say that you cannot come to God because you feel unworthy to be in His presence. And that feeling of unworthiness keeps you from “wasting his time.” The truth is you are NOT worthy. But that is exactly why he died for YOU! You deserve death for your sins. Instead God extends mercy and grace. He allowed himself to come down in the fleshly form of Jesus because no one on this Earth was worthy enough to carry out the great plan of salvation. Jesus allowed himself to be betrayed by one of his own followers, because you were not worthy enough. He allowed himself to be arrested and falsely accused by the “church folk” of that day. He allowed grown men to whip and beat him until THEY got tired, and he never said a word. Jesus allowed himself to be spat on, ridiculed, and mocked because you were not worthy enough. He allowed them to drive nails through his hands and feet, attaching him to a rugged cross; and when he did speak he asked the Father to forgive THEM!
How dare you hold back from God because you are not worthy! You are unworthy on purpose! No good thing dwells in our flesh. But by accepting this great plan of salvation, you have every right and privilege to come to God with whatever it is that is troubling you. Don’t let satan fool you; there is no condemnation to them that are in Christ. Get in Christ and get away from satan. Know that God loves you no matter what. Imagine being able to openly and honestly confess your faults and sins and feel the loving arms of forgiveness embrace you. That’s God. No greater love can be found among your acquaintances, your friends or even your family.
While battling a bout of depression, I decided to try and pray… again. It was hard because I’ve been down this road so many times before; my mind clouded with negativity, but being a Christian I knew that prayer was what I should do. But when I get on my knees and try to pray, the negativity turns into condemnation and I feel too ashamed to come before the Lord and ‘waste’ his time. After another round of excuses and reasons why I should just give up, I went into the bathroom. There I stood with my back to the mirror because I was even ashamed to look at my own face. How can I call myself a Christian, much less a minister, when I can’t even pray my own way out of this depression? Right then and right there, something happened. A spiritual rebuke! But it was done with such love and kindness that I could not help but to receive it.
Here’s what the Spirit said:
You say that you cannot come to God because you feel unworthy to be in His presence. And that feeling of unworthiness keeps you from “wasting his time.” The truth is you are NOT worthy. But that is exactly why he died for YOU! You deserve death for your sins. Instead God extends mercy and grace. He allowed himself to come down in the fleshly form of Jesus because no one on this Earth was worthy enough to carry out the great plan of salvation. Jesus allowed himself to be betrayed by one of his own followers, because you were not worthy enough. He allowed himself to be arrested and falsely accused by the “church folk” of that day. He allowed grown men to whip and beat him until THEY got tired, and he never said a word. Jesus allowed himself to be spat on, ridiculed, and mocked because you were not worthy enough. He allowed them to drive nails through his hands and feet, attaching him to a rugged cross; and when he did speak he asked the Father to forgive THEM!
How dare you hold back from God because you are not worthy! You are unworthy on purpose! No good thing dwells in our flesh. But by accepting this great plan of salvation, you have every right and privilege to come to God with whatever it is that is troubling you. Don’t let satan fool you; there is no condemnation to them that are in Christ. Get in Christ and get away from satan. Know that God loves you no matter what. Imagine being able to openly and honestly confess your faults and sins and feel the loving arms of forgiveness embrace you. That’s God. No greater love can be found among your acquaintances, your friends or even your family.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
What's the Purpose?
There is a purpose and a plan for each of our lives. Do you realize that some folks are purposed to bring you pain? Others are purposed to criticize you until you reach another level in God. Even Judas Iscariot, the disciple that betrayed Jesus, was purposed for that task and Jesus knew it (John 13:27). Now understand me, I do NOT want to be the one purposed for evil. But this thought does put a different light on my tests and trials.
I often find myself asking God what is my purpose. Just what is that thing that I’m supposed to be doing? I see others walking in their purpose; seeming to know exactly what they are called to do for the Lord. But for some reason my purpose alludes me. Why is that God? During a morning of prayer, fasting, and worshipping I received a breakthrough in my spirit, but still had no answer as to what I was supposed to do. I received a refreshing in my spirit and felt better about getting up in the mornings, but still had no reason as to what I was supposed to do once I did get up. In the midst of the sweet presence of God was absolute stillness. I’m talking stillness to where I would have heard a pin drop in another part of the house. It was like God said, okay I’ve received your worship, but I want you to wait some more. I begged for an answer now so that I would not go back to my mental prison of depression, low self-esteem and confusion. God did not say one word to me. I finally said okay, so I’ll wait. Now I need to learn how to wait with patience and expectancy. And I rebuke the enemy’s voice telling me that no answer will come. Because God is a just God; he is faithful and mindful of me. His word said that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. So I’m seeking… and just waiting on my reward. Stay tuned for the testimony.
I often find myself asking God what is my purpose. Just what is that thing that I’m supposed to be doing? I see others walking in their purpose; seeming to know exactly what they are called to do for the Lord. But for some reason my purpose alludes me. Why is that God? During a morning of prayer, fasting, and worshipping I received a breakthrough in my spirit, but still had no answer as to what I was supposed to do. I received a refreshing in my spirit and felt better about getting up in the mornings, but still had no reason as to what I was supposed to do once I did get up. In the midst of the sweet presence of God was absolute stillness. I’m talking stillness to where I would have heard a pin drop in another part of the house. It was like God said, okay I’ve received your worship, but I want you to wait some more. I begged for an answer now so that I would not go back to my mental prison of depression, low self-esteem and confusion. God did not say one word to me. I finally said okay, so I’ll wait. Now I need to learn how to wait with patience and expectancy. And I rebuke the enemy’s voice telling me that no answer will come. Because God is a just God; he is faithful and mindful of me. His word said that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. So I’m seeking… and just waiting on my reward. Stay tuned for the testimony.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Accepting God as Father
Did you know that your relationship with your earthly father can affect how you see God as the heavenly Father? I heard this amazing revelation from another young woman. Her father was an alcoholic for most of her life, so she had a different ideal of what a "father" was in her home. Now, as a Christian adult she realized that she had accepted Jesus as her savior, but had never accepted God as a heavenly Father. The reason? She didn't know how.
Her idea of a father was one that was hard to please, demanding, quick to point out failures, etc. So then in her eyes, God was the type of Father that's distant and terrible, and quick to rain down fire and brimstone on you if you screwed up. That may be hard for some of you to believe, but I can relate.
If you have a great father-daughter relationship, you are truly blessed. For those of us who have not the experience, it can be a real (and subconscious) struggle. God IS the epitome of fatherhood. One who loves his daughters, wanting the best for them, and willing to move mountains to make it happen. God is a fierce protector of his daughters, and doesn't want them to get involved in foolishness. Not every man is worthy of His daughters' hands, which is why He says that you can't be "unequally yoked." In essence, God is the type of father we expect to have. But in reality, Satan has destroyed that chance in many of our homes.
My prayer today is that I learn to allow God to "father" me. I'm asking Him to break up the pain, sadness and disappointment that's in my heart from past experiences, and mend it with His gracious love. Forgive those earthly fathers who did not meet the expectation, and let us experience a true father-daughter love with the Creator.
Her idea of a father was one that was hard to please, demanding, quick to point out failures, etc. So then in her eyes, God was the type of Father that's distant and terrible, and quick to rain down fire and brimstone on you if you screwed up. That may be hard for some of you to believe, but I can relate.
If you have a great father-daughter relationship, you are truly blessed. For those of us who have not the experience, it can be a real (and subconscious) struggle. God IS the epitome of fatherhood. One who loves his daughters, wanting the best for them, and willing to move mountains to make it happen. God is a fierce protector of his daughters, and doesn't want them to get involved in foolishness. Not every man is worthy of His daughters' hands, which is why He says that you can't be "unequally yoked." In essence, God is the type of father we expect to have. But in reality, Satan has destroyed that chance in many of our homes.
My prayer today is that I learn to allow God to "father" me. I'm asking Him to break up the pain, sadness and disappointment that's in my heart from past experiences, and mend it with His gracious love. Forgive those earthly fathers who did not meet the expectation, and let us experience a true father-daughter love with the Creator.
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