(I know its been a while, but for those who still keep check on my blog, thanks. As you read this post, please pray for me. This is my most honest blog to date, but my hope is that my testimony will become an encouragement to someone else.)
While battling a bout of depression, I decided to try and pray… again. It was hard because I’ve been down this road so many times before; my mind clouded with negativity, but being a Christian I knew that prayer was what I should do. But when I get on my knees and try to pray, the negativity turns into condemnation and I feel too ashamed to come before the Lord and ‘waste’ his time. After another round of excuses and reasons why I should just give up, I went into the bathroom. There I stood with my back to the mirror because I was even ashamed to look at my own face. How can I call myself a Christian, much less a minister, when I can’t even pray my own way out of this depression? Right then and right there, something happened. A spiritual rebuke! But it was done with such love and kindness that I could not help but to receive it.
Here’s what the Spirit said:
You say that you cannot come to God because you feel unworthy to be in His presence. And that feeling of unworthiness keeps you from “wasting his time.” The truth is you are NOT worthy. But that is exactly why he died for YOU! You deserve death for your sins. Instead God extends mercy and grace. He allowed himself to come down in the fleshly form of Jesus because no one on this Earth was worthy enough to carry out the great plan of salvation. Jesus allowed himself to be betrayed by one of his own followers, because you were not worthy enough. He allowed himself to be arrested and falsely accused by the “church folk” of that day. He allowed grown men to whip and beat him until THEY got tired, and he never said a word. Jesus allowed himself to be spat on, ridiculed, and mocked because you were not worthy enough. He allowed them to drive nails through his hands and feet, attaching him to a rugged cross; and when he did speak he asked the Father to forgive THEM!
How dare you hold back from God because you are not worthy! You are unworthy on purpose! No good thing dwells in our flesh. But by accepting this great plan of salvation, you have every right and privilege to come to God with whatever it is that is troubling you. Don’t let satan fool you; there is no condemnation to them that are in Christ. Get in Christ and get away from satan. Know that God loves you no matter what. Imagine being able to openly and honestly confess your faults and sins and feel the loving arms of forgiveness embrace you. That’s God. No greater love can be found among your acquaintances, your friends or even your family.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
What's the Purpose?
There is a purpose and a plan for each of our lives. Do you realize that some folks are purposed to bring you pain? Others are purposed to criticize you until you reach another level in God. Even Judas Iscariot, the disciple that betrayed Jesus, was purposed for that task and Jesus knew it (John 13:27). Now understand me, I do NOT want to be the one purposed for evil. But this thought does put a different light on my tests and trials.
I often find myself asking God what is my purpose. Just what is that thing that I’m supposed to be doing? I see others walking in their purpose; seeming to know exactly what they are called to do for the Lord. But for some reason my purpose alludes me. Why is that God? During a morning of prayer, fasting, and worshipping I received a breakthrough in my spirit, but still had no answer as to what I was supposed to do. I received a refreshing in my spirit and felt better about getting up in the mornings, but still had no reason as to what I was supposed to do once I did get up. In the midst of the sweet presence of God was absolute stillness. I’m talking stillness to where I would have heard a pin drop in another part of the house. It was like God said, okay I’ve received your worship, but I want you to wait some more. I begged for an answer now so that I would not go back to my mental prison of depression, low self-esteem and confusion. God did not say one word to me. I finally said okay, so I’ll wait. Now I need to learn how to wait with patience and expectancy. And I rebuke the enemy’s voice telling me that no answer will come. Because God is a just God; he is faithful and mindful of me. His word said that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. So I’m seeking… and just waiting on my reward. Stay tuned for the testimony.
I often find myself asking God what is my purpose. Just what is that thing that I’m supposed to be doing? I see others walking in their purpose; seeming to know exactly what they are called to do for the Lord. But for some reason my purpose alludes me. Why is that God? During a morning of prayer, fasting, and worshipping I received a breakthrough in my spirit, but still had no answer as to what I was supposed to do. I received a refreshing in my spirit and felt better about getting up in the mornings, but still had no reason as to what I was supposed to do once I did get up. In the midst of the sweet presence of God was absolute stillness. I’m talking stillness to where I would have heard a pin drop in another part of the house. It was like God said, okay I’ve received your worship, but I want you to wait some more. I begged for an answer now so that I would not go back to my mental prison of depression, low self-esteem and confusion. God did not say one word to me. I finally said okay, so I’ll wait. Now I need to learn how to wait with patience and expectancy. And I rebuke the enemy’s voice telling me that no answer will come. Because God is a just God; he is faithful and mindful of me. His word said that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. So I’m seeking… and just waiting on my reward. Stay tuned for the testimony.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Accepting God as Father
Did you know that your relationship with your earthly father can affect how you see God as the heavenly Father? I heard this amazing revelation from another young woman. Her father was an alcoholic for most of her life, so she had a different ideal of what a "father" was in her home. Now, as a Christian adult she realized that she had accepted Jesus as her savior, but had never accepted God as a heavenly Father. The reason? She didn't know how.
Her idea of a father was one that was hard to please, demanding, quick to point out failures, etc. So then in her eyes, God was the type of Father that's distant and terrible, and quick to rain down fire and brimstone on you if you screwed up. That may be hard for some of you to believe, but I can relate.
If you have a great father-daughter relationship, you are truly blessed. For those of us who have not the experience, it can be a real (and subconscious) struggle. God IS the epitome of fatherhood. One who loves his daughters, wanting the best for them, and willing to move mountains to make it happen. God is a fierce protector of his daughters, and doesn't want them to get involved in foolishness. Not every man is worthy of His daughters' hands, which is why He says that you can't be "unequally yoked." In essence, God is the type of father we expect to have. But in reality, Satan has destroyed that chance in many of our homes.
My prayer today is that I learn to allow God to "father" me. I'm asking Him to break up the pain, sadness and disappointment that's in my heart from past experiences, and mend it with His gracious love. Forgive those earthly fathers who did not meet the expectation, and let us experience a true father-daughter love with the Creator.
Her idea of a father was one that was hard to please, demanding, quick to point out failures, etc. So then in her eyes, God was the type of Father that's distant and terrible, and quick to rain down fire and brimstone on you if you screwed up. That may be hard for some of you to believe, but I can relate.
If you have a great father-daughter relationship, you are truly blessed. For those of us who have not the experience, it can be a real (and subconscious) struggle. God IS the epitome of fatherhood. One who loves his daughters, wanting the best for them, and willing to move mountains to make it happen. God is a fierce protector of his daughters, and doesn't want them to get involved in foolishness. Not every man is worthy of His daughters' hands, which is why He says that you can't be "unequally yoked." In essence, God is the type of father we expect to have. But in reality, Satan has destroyed that chance in many of our homes.
My prayer today is that I learn to allow God to "father" me. I'm asking Him to break up the pain, sadness and disappointment that's in my heart from past experiences, and mend it with His gracious love. Forgive those earthly fathers who did not meet the expectation, and let us experience a true father-daughter love with the Creator.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Let's Dance with God!
I heard a dynamic and encouraging message by a pastor out of Decatur, GA about learning how to "dance" with God. Based on the scripture Joshua 1:1-9, follow these steps to get spiritually "in step" with living the life that God has called you to!
STEP DOWN - and humble yourself in prayer before the Lord
STEP BACK - and remember all the things He's done for you in the past
STEP OUT - on faith and believe that He can do just what He says
STEP UP - your commitment to serving Him and seeking His plan for your life
STEP OVER - the obstacles that you are faced with; aren't you're more than a conqueror?
STEP IN - the blessing that God has in store for you!
So break out your favorite high praise CD and let's dance with God!
STEP DOWN - and humble yourself in prayer before the Lord
STEP BACK - and remember all the things He's done for you in the past
STEP OUT - on faith and believe that He can do just what He says
STEP UP - your commitment to serving Him and seeking His plan for your life
STEP OVER - the obstacles that you are faced with; aren't you're more than a conqueror?
STEP IN - the blessing that God has in store for you!
So break out your favorite high praise CD and let's dance with God!
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Take It Personal
Ever made a comment to someone and found yourself saying, "don't take it personal!" Well, when it comes to God's word, you need to take it personal. Because His word is directed to you and me.
Don't get caught up thinking that those stories of deliverance and promises are only for those in the Bible days, or just for those folks who have reached a certain place in God. Not so, according to God. John 3:16 says that whosoever believeth on the Lord shall have everlasting life. That is a promise of God! The word "whosoever" simply means anybody. Doesn't matter your age, your race, your income, where you live or what you have achieved in life. If you believe on Him then you shall live.
The problem is that not everyone believes that this promise is for them. They come up with all kinds of excuses as to why they aren't included under the covering of John 3:16. They'll say I've done so much wrong in the past; I gossip or lie or cuss too much; God couldn't love me. Why are we so quick to find reasons NOT to accept God's promises? Forget what Satan says and take what God says personally!
When Satan says you're a loser; remember God said you're more than a conqueror!
When Satan says you can't do it; the Bible says you can do ALL things through Christ!
When Satan says nobody loves you; remember God said He'll NEVER leave you nor forsake you!
Re-read John 3:16 and make it personal. "For God so loved {insert your name} that He gave His only begotten son, that if I believeth on Him I shall not perish, but have everlasting life!
Whatever God says, TAKE IT PERSONAL!
Don't get caught up thinking that those stories of deliverance and promises are only for those in the Bible days, or just for those folks who have reached a certain place in God. Not so, according to God. John 3:16 says that whosoever believeth on the Lord shall have everlasting life. That is a promise of God! The word "whosoever" simply means anybody. Doesn't matter your age, your race, your income, where you live or what you have achieved in life. If you believe on Him then you shall live.
The problem is that not everyone believes that this promise is for them. They come up with all kinds of excuses as to why they aren't included under the covering of John 3:16. They'll say I've done so much wrong in the past; I gossip or lie or cuss too much; God couldn't love me. Why are we so quick to find reasons NOT to accept God's promises? Forget what Satan says and take what God says personally!
When Satan says you're a loser; remember God said you're more than a conqueror!
When Satan says you can't do it; the Bible says you can do ALL things through Christ!
When Satan says nobody loves you; remember God said He'll NEVER leave you nor forsake you!
Re-read John 3:16 and make it personal. "For God so loved {insert your name} that He gave His only begotten son, that if I believeth on Him I shall not perish, but have everlasting life!
Whatever God says, TAKE IT PERSONAL!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Not a Heavenly Butler
Butler: def - man servant; usually head servant of the household; paid to serve you, whom he calls master of the house
Have you ever found yourself thinking of God as your "heavenly butler?" Before you shout at me "Not ME, never!" think on this...
When you send a petition to God, you expect to hear yes, correct? After all, the Bible does say ask & you'll receive, seek & you will find, knock & it will open. But what happens when God says "no" or "wait?" How do you react? Some folks (including me) have gotten upset and wondered why not. Lord, why won't this man/woman marry me? (He/she is not the one I designed for you.) Lord, why can't I get this 2007 vehicle? (Because you really can't afford it right now.) Lord, why can't I do this, that and the other? (Because it's not your time/it's not for you to do/I'm still preparing you, etc.) Lord, why am I going through this trial? (I bragged to Satan about you like I did about Job. He didn't believe that you could make it either. Keep proving him wrong.)
Aladdin had a genie that would grant his wishes. All he had to do was rub that lamp, out pops the genie who calls Aladdin master and asks what can he do for him. As Christians we do not intend to take advantage of God and make Him our servant like the genie. But as humans, we want what we want, when we want it. And can get caught up in expecting God to answer ALL of our prayers a certain way. God really does love us and He wants to give us the desires of our hearts. But if the desire is detrimental, aren't you glad that God can see it before we can? Maybe you can't afford that 2007 vehicle this year, but you may be able get that 2008 BEFORE it hits the lot.
Trust God with all thine heart... and lean not unto thy own understanding. (In other words, just go with the flow of God's plan for your life!)
Have you ever found yourself thinking of God as your "heavenly butler?" Before you shout at me "Not ME, never!" think on this...
When you send a petition to God, you expect to hear yes, correct? After all, the Bible does say ask & you'll receive, seek & you will find, knock & it will open. But what happens when God says "no" or "wait?" How do you react? Some folks (including me) have gotten upset and wondered why not. Lord, why won't this man/woman marry me? (He/she is not the one I designed for you.) Lord, why can't I get this 2007 vehicle? (Because you really can't afford it right now.) Lord, why can't I do this, that and the other? (Because it's not your time/it's not for you to do/I'm still preparing you, etc.) Lord, why am I going through this trial? (I bragged to Satan about you like I did about Job. He didn't believe that you could make it either. Keep proving him wrong.)
Aladdin had a genie that would grant his wishes. All he had to do was rub that lamp, out pops the genie who calls Aladdin master and asks what can he do for him. As Christians we do not intend to take advantage of God and make Him our servant like the genie. But as humans, we want what we want, when we want it. And can get caught up in expecting God to answer ALL of our prayers a certain way. God really does love us and He wants to give us the desires of our hearts. But if the desire is detrimental, aren't you glad that God can see it before we can? Maybe you can't afford that 2007 vehicle this year, but you may be able get that 2008 BEFORE it hits the lot.
Trust God with all thine heart... and lean not unto thy own understanding. (In other words, just go with the flow of God's plan for your life!)
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Spoken from the Heart
It's madness, it's sadness
the evil of this world can make you depressed
how can men kill, lose their own will
do they even feel the pain left behind?
what's in their mind?
murder, rape, death
the sound of someone's last breath?
But the fact is that THEIR back is against the wall
left feeling small
like there's no one to call for help
I see a dark hole
a lost soul
someone in need of love
change that can only come from the Almighty God above
my head aches
my heart breaks
when I see and hear the news
pictures of young girls covered in blood
bodies battered and bruised
my prayer is for the victims
those that are living and those that are dead
I even pray for the killers
God, please get inside their heads
they're on the edge, standing on the ledge
the devil's calling them to jump
society cries, angry words fly
the jury decides to "fry the chump!"
can I ask why
the reason I cry
for the souls lost and bodies found?
I know God is in control,
cuz His touch has made ME whole
yet I weep for those still bound
I pray for you
I pray for me
Lord keep us from the hand of the enemy
let us be holy
let us be pure
Dear God this race...
let us endure.
the evil of this world can make you depressed
how can men kill, lose their own will
do they even feel the pain left behind?
what's in their mind?
murder, rape, death
the sound of someone's last breath?
But the fact is that THEIR back is against the wall
left feeling small
like there's no one to call for help
I see a dark hole
a lost soul
someone in need of love
change that can only come from the Almighty God above
my head aches
my heart breaks
when I see and hear the news
pictures of young girls covered in blood
bodies battered and bruised
my prayer is for the victims
those that are living and those that are dead
I even pray for the killers
God, please get inside their heads
they're on the edge, standing on the ledge
the devil's calling them to jump
society cries, angry words fly
the jury decides to "fry the chump!"
can I ask why
the reason I cry
for the souls lost and bodies found?
I know God is in control,
cuz His touch has made ME whole
yet I weep for those still bound
I pray for you
I pray for me
Lord keep us from the hand of the enemy
let us be holy
let us be pure
Dear God this race...
let us endure.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)