(I know its been a while, but for those who still keep check on my blog, thanks. As you read this post, please pray for me. This is my most honest blog to date, but my hope is that my testimony will become an encouragement to someone else.)
While battling a bout of depression, I decided to try and pray… again. It was hard because I’ve been down this road so many times before; my mind clouded with negativity, but being a Christian I knew that prayer was what I should do. But when I get on my knees and try to pray, the negativity turns into condemnation and I feel too ashamed to come before the Lord and ‘waste’ his time. After another round of excuses and reasons why I should just give up, I went into the bathroom. There I stood with my back to the mirror because I was even ashamed to look at my own face. How can I call myself a Christian, much less a minister, when I can’t even pray my own way out of this depression? Right then and right there, something happened. A spiritual rebuke! But it was done with such love and kindness that I could not help but to receive it.
Here’s what the Spirit said:
You say that you cannot come to God because you feel unworthy to be in His presence. And that feeling of unworthiness keeps you from “wasting his time.” The truth is you are NOT worthy. But that is exactly why he died for YOU! You deserve death for your sins. Instead God extends mercy and grace. He allowed himself to come down in the fleshly form of Jesus because no one on this Earth was worthy enough to carry out the great plan of salvation. Jesus allowed himself to be betrayed by one of his own followers, because you were not worthy enough. He allowed himself to be arrested and falsely accused by the “church folk” of that day. He allowed grown men to whip and beat him until THEY got tired, and he never said a word. Jesus allowed himself to be spat on, ridiculed, and mocked because you were not worthy enough. He allowed them to drive nails through his hands and feet, attaching him to a rugged cross; and when he did speak he asked the Father to forgive THEM!
How dare you hold back from God because you are not worthy! You are unworthy on purpose! No good thing dwells in our flesh. But by accepting this great plan of salvation, you have every right and privilege to come to God with whatever it is that is troubling you. Don’t let satan fool you; there is no condemnation to them that are in Christ. Get in Christ and get away from satan. Know that God loves you no matter what. Imagine being able to openly and honestly confess your faults and sins and feel the loving arms of forgiveness embrace you. That’s God. No greater love can be found among your acquaintances, your friends or even your family.
